ShareBy Faten Omar
KUWAIT: Many parents spoil their children by raising them to be dependent, where they take decisions related to their lives instead of them, even in the most sensitive and fateful matters such as marriage and study. An expert said a dependent child grows up to be an ineffective individual, since the person is always dependent on his partners to do things. Child specialist and counseling psychologist Barehan Hassan told Kuwait Times there are people who at the age of 40 are still dependent on their mother to spend money and choose and buy clothes for them. They have also not succeeded in getting married because they haven’t found a bride who likes their mother or replaces her as an authoritarian personality.
“Women do not like weak personalities without self-confidence, who are unable to make the simplest decisions of their lives. There are mistakes we can avoid while raising our children in order to not destroy their personalities, and most importantly train and encourage them to make decisions,” Hassan noted. The expert pointed out the first decisions in your child’s life come from the first years of their lives.
As they discover the world around them, they begin to realize they have personalities that are independent of their parents and that they have the ability to think and make decisions, which gives them the ability to object to things they do not like and do not want. Throughout the day, children make several simple decisions, such as which toys they want to play with, which children’s books and stories they want us to read, and which cartoons and TV shows they want to watch.
“As children get older, more and more complex decisions will be waiting for them to make, especially after they reach school age. Parents must give them the space to choose even in the simplest matters of their lives, such as determining the type of food, candy, toys or the color of their clothes,” Hassan said, explaining that when a parent wants for example to buy something, they must pick two items and give the choice to the child to make.
“When buying clothes, you can choose two shirts and ask your child to choose one of them. There is no doubt that the family environment in which the child grows up plays the most important role in the development of their self-confidence or weakness in the next stages of their lives. If education relies on imposing control over children and the refusal of one or both parents to listen to their opinions and desires, then this is reflected in their personalities, making them hesitant and fearful, limiting their ability to think and make decisions and destroying their self-confidence,” she explained.
Hassan stressed the importance of parents who can evaluate their children’s decisions and guide them, then explain characteristics such as a good or bad idea or wise or weak decision and their reasons, bearing in mind the child does not have enough experience yet to make decisions. The expert called on parents that in order to raise an independent child based on knowledge and understanding of child development and psychology, parents should encourage self-expression and listen to their thoughts and opinions without judgment and provide a safe and supportive environment to explore and discover their interests and passions.
“The top tips for parents are that they must teach their child to make decisions independently by giving them opportunities to choose, which will help them develop critical thinking skills and become more confident in their ability to make good choices, as well as promoting problem-solving skills, allowing room for mistakes, assigning age-appropriate responsibilities like chores to develop a sense of independence and a good work ethic, being a good role model and being accountable for your actions. Raising an independent child is a gradual process that requires patience, consistency and a lot of love and support,” Hassan added.
