ShareBy Passant Hisham
KUWAIT: Watching her kids grow day by day, witnessing their first step and hearing their little voice calling her “Mama” for the first time ever — these were the little details that made it worthwhile for Sara, a 43-year-old dentist, to quit her career to raise her family.
The 43-year-old mother of two warmly reminisced about how she became completely satisfied with her role as a full-time mother. Nermeen, a 53-year-old mother of three quit college for the same reason. Dr Ayat El-Sayed, a certified parenting expert, college professor, and mother of two, had a different learning experience that she now aims to pass on.
“My career has cost me my mental health and my time with my kids.” El-Sayed noted. But she explained how she learned the hard way to stop constantly blaming herself and let go of the illusion of wanting to be good enough. Because, according to her, there’s no way you can ever maintain a “perfect balance” between your personal life and professional life. “It has always been a rollercoaster of ups and downs, but what mattered the most for me is surviving all these ups and downs with the least possible negative impact on me and my family.”
She pointed out that the most challenging thing about being an ambitious mother is that it feels like having two full-time jobs. She returns from her official job at 5 pm, fully drained, to start fulfilling her second job’s duties in caregiving, teaching, driving, cooking and cleaning. “You have to be holding all the ropes in one hand, and not let go of any of them, the only thing you can do is to relax the tension of one rope at a time, to keep the others well tightened.” She used this analogy to describe the most realistic way an ambitious mother can perform her duties in all the different parts of her life.
“It’s like women are naturally created with this microchip sense of guilt,” she said. She explained that this sense of guilt is like a double-edged sword, even though it can be the source of every mother’s constant pain, but it’s also the reason behind her power, for that it pushes her to be fully devoted to her multiple roles toward her home and her career.
She added that even though there’s no doubt that a woman’s career is crucial, it cannot come at the cost of her children. Parents should never forget that they play an essential role in shaping their children’s mindsets and personality and enriching their behavior and knowledge so that they can play their own roles in adding value to the world.
Clearly, this essential role is what makes it harder for some women to choose to follow their career goals. After a long time of trying to beat the inner conflict between their ambitions and their children, Sara and Nermeen found a different way to leave their signature in the world away from the common standards forced by society.
“A family is the nucleus of the society and a mother is the one responsible for raising this family,” said Nermeen. That’s why she chose to dedicate all her care, love and attention to nurturing her little seeds. However, both women didn’t give up completely on their ambitions because, as Nermeen believes, dreams have no limits. Even now in her 50s, Nermeen is in the process of enrolling in university to pursue her study in her desired major, marketing.
On the other hand, Sara decided to follow a different path as she now works as an online freelance teacher for children, besides exploring her interest in handcrafts by taking tailoring classes. She is very satisfied with the way she is in control of shaping her life in a way that aligns with her goals as a mother and at the same time helps her acquire and deliver values beyond motherhood.
None of the mothers regretted any of the directions that they have taken, whether it was choosing their children, ambitions, trying to balance both, or even choosing a totally different path. Every one of them chose what suited her lifestyle and values in life. But El-Sayed made a very important point by asserting that following her career ambitions was an investment in her children’s growth in the end. She wanted to teach her girls to be financially independent, to understand what self-worth is, and to be able to adopt multiple skills in life such as time management and multitasking. Instead of teaching them these skills, she wanted to set a realistic example for them to follow, something she could never have achieved if she chose to settle for performing her house chores.
Despite their different experiences, the three mothers agreed that the special bond between them and their children is invaluable, compared to any other achievement in life. And if a mother’s ambitions are putting this bond at risk, the ambitions are worthless. “When my daughter escapes all her life problems by holding on to my embrace so tight, knowing that I am always there for her, this alone is enough to reassure me that I have fulfilled my message in the world,” said Sara.
