By Chidi Emmanuel and Sahar Moussa
KUWAIT: Leaning in the back of a car near the Family Court in Mahboula, Sylvia Thomas could not contain her emotions as she narrated her ordeal. "If anyone could have told me I will end up like this, I wouldn’t have believed them. I spent a lot of money to bring him here (in Kuwait). As soon as he started working, things went from bad to worse. The abuses and insults were terrible,” Sylvia, an African expat, told Kuwait Times. When asked why she did not report her husband to the police, she said: "I really don’t want him to be in trouble. They might jail or deport him. Although I still love him, I can no longer live with him. That’s why we are filing for divorce”.
While Sylvia cited abuses as the cause of breakup, Lara, a 35-year-old Kuwaiti woman, cited family interference as the main factor. Lara, who got married at 24, divorced four years ago. She was married to her cousin and has a six-year-old daughter. "I refused to drag him to court, because my parents were divorced and they fought a lot. That affected me and my siblings and I don’t want my daughter to face what I went through,” she said. "The reasons for the divorce were family interference (especially from his mom), miscommunication and stubbornness. I tried hard to fix the problems but couldn’t,” Lara added.
Divorce rate
Kuwait, in 2021, recorded the highest rates of marriage and divorce. There was a 28.9 percent increase in the marriage rate with a corresponding 13.7 percent increase in the divorce rate - the highest in five years. Social scientists and scholars have long studied what leads to divorce. Some have looked at easily measured factors that make divorce more likely, such as the age when people get married. But other researchers have gone right to the source - asking divorced people why their marriages ended. According to Kuwaiti lawyer Saud Akil Alhalfi, divorce cases are rising after the implementation of the domestic violence law (in 2020). "Domestic violence is a huge problem in Kuwait. There is a high number of domestic violence cases filed in court. The justice ministry’s recent report has shown a significant increase in divorce cases,” he said.
"There are many reasons why married couples divorce. These include lack of commitment, infidelity, conflicts of interest, marrying too young, financial problems and domestic violence among others. People are more likely to have problems in their marriages when there is lack of understanding, trust issues, communication problems, etc. These issues can be exacerbated,” Hamzat Obodo, a sociologist, told Kuwait Times.
Incompatibility
He highlighted "incompatibility” as the main reason why couples have irreconcilable differences. "Nowadays, people marry for different reasons. Some people marry to please their families and friends, while others marry due to financial reasons. Many married couples are not compatible. They lack shared values, intimacy and friendship. These make them grow apart, drift apart and finally break up. Most successful marriages are based on a core of shared interests, priorities and values,” he added.
On the other hand, Pastor Millicent E emphasized on the need for couples to communicate effectively. "Various studies have cited poor communication as one of the reasons for divorce. These include arguing too much - and not being able to talk to each other adequately. Problem shared is half solved. We should learn how to communicate with each other more effectively, perhaps through couple therapy,” she advised.
Some divorcees have mixed feelings over their actions. Some feel freer and happier, while others regret the steps they took. Some victims of physical, mental and verbal abuse said they would not want to remarry again because of what they went through. "I was abused. And I cannot say I am happier now — I actually have mixed feelings about it. As a woman, I would like to live with my husband for the rest of my life and build a family together, but it is better to leave to live than to die trying to stay,” Sylvia said.
"Various studies have listed domestic violence as an important reason for divorce. Women and men tend to have very different views about domestic abuse as a cause of divorce. Abuse victims are more likely to see behavior as the cause of divorce. Many couples suffer different forms of abuse, but physical attacks shouldn’t be tolerated,” Milicent said. For Layla, a 52-year-old Kuwaiti woman who got married at 19, it is better to stay unmarried than to marry a violent man. "I got divorced 23 years ago. I have two boys and a girl. My ex-husband is a very jealous man and we had many problems and irreconcilable differences. I was subjected to verbal and physical abuse. But I did get married again,” Layla told Kuwait Times.
Social media
A recent study has found a correlation between relationship health and social media use. It states that some people spend more time online than paying attention to their spouses. The study, published in the Journal of Cyberpsychology, Behavior and Social Networking, found that people who use Facebook more than once an hour are more likely to "experience Facebook-related conflict with their romantic partners”. That conflict could then lead to a breakup or divorce.
More so, last June, the Center for Gulf and Arabian Peninsula Studies in cooperation with Kuwait University conducted a field study to survey the opinion of Kuwaiti citizens on the phenomenon of divorce. The study found the leading causes of divorce include weakness of faith, parental interference, lack of responsibility, financial problems, cheating and lack of trust between spouses, uncomfortable residence, beatings and violence, personal status law and sexual problems. The study, conducted by Dr Faisal Bouslaib, Professor of Political Science, included 887 male and female citizens. It recommended treatment for social media addiction for spouses, strengthening their faith in religion, not allowing anyone to interfere in their marital life and providing family counseling clinics, among others.