ShareKUWAIT: Death, that permanent departure of a person from life, can leave behind a void and heartache that might probably never get filled again. At first, this void numbs all the senses and leaves one completely startled, leaving one to think: How could this happen to me? Then comes a moment of anger, where one blames fate and blames themselves, as if they were responsible for the person’s death.
Later, anger is replaced with depression, where sorrow takes over as one starts confronting the tough reality that the person who died is now gone forever. While pain never fades away completely, it diminishes by time, allowing a person to reach the phase of acceptance, where they finally make peace with the fact that there’s nothing they can do to bring the dead person back, and it’s time to move on with their life.
According to Dr Mariam Al-Awadhi, a consultant psychiatrist, these are the four stages of grief that people most commonly experience after the loss of someone close. Awadhi explained there’s no set timeline for how long a person may experience these stages or how intensely they might feel them. Yet, based on scientific theories, these stages usually take an average of 3 to 6 months to unfold.
“If after 6 months, the person is still far from acceptance, far from dealing with his life, far from functioning well... then it’s better for him to seek medical or clinical consultation,” Dr Awadhi said. According to her, if a person’s grieving keeps getting worse with time, then it is most likely they got stuck in a phase known as “complicated grief”, which is a form of depression.
Dr Awadhi identified complicated grief as an intense and prolonged feeling of sadness that lasts for almost two weeks, associated with at least four other symptoms of the following: Constant lack of pleasure, sleeping disorders, eating disorders, lack of concentration, drained energy, excessive guilt, suicidal thinking and hopelessness.
For a person to be able to recognize depression and spot these symptoms, they must regularly stay in tune with their inner thoughts and mindfully reflect on their emotions, because as Dr Awadhi highlighted, the failure to realize the existence of depression is very common among people. Unfortunately, this might make the case grow bigger and much worse, making it harder for the person to ever heal from it.
Equally important for self-awareness, one should learn how to overcome this phase wisely and effectively. Dr Awadhi advised people to not suppress their emotions, as she said about grief: “If you push it quickly, it comes back in a different way.” Allowing oneself to feel grief naturally after the loss of someone is an essential part of the healing process. “Give yourself the time, don’t rush it, don’t invalidate or dismiss your emotions...if you want to cry, cry. If you want to feel angry, voice it...don’t show the opposite of what you’re feeling to look strong,” Dr Awadhi noted.
Keeping oneself engrossed in a busy routine is also another way to overcome grief. People who have nothing to do and who have zero responsibilities are usually more likely to get easily overwhelmed by a cloud of negative emotions that worsens their mental state over time. So, finding a balance between being busy and at the same time taking enough time for yourself to recharge and allow your feelings to flow on the surface is a must, she added.
Dr Awadhi suggested practicing spirituality as another solution for people who have a belief system. She noted its importance in helping one process death better, as faith can help someone bring meaning to loss and see it as a continuation of life in another dimension. Exercise on the other hand, can help too, she pointed out. Walking and engaging in social sports such as padel or tennis can also play a role in a more effective healing process, as they have been proven to release feelgood endorphins, which are chemicals that balance out one’s negative emotions, reduce pain, alleviate pleasure and enhance the sense of well-being.
For those who are hardly able to survive grief on their own, Dr Awadhi recommended talk therapy with a professional as the best way to get over the death of someone easier and faster, noting that unlike what many people think, asking for help is not a sign of weakness, but a sign of strength and courage.
It’s worth pointing out that even though grief of loss is usually associated with negative feelings, it is undermined by how much it can contribute to the growth and maturity of a person, as it can show them the true meaning of life. “Grief doesn’t have to be all painful, sometimes it helps you reevaluate a lot of values in life,” said Dr Awadhi. She believes that death is a great reminder that we’re all going to eventually end up in the same place, so it’s necessary to make the best out of our journey by resetting our priorities in life and focusing on what’s worth living.
