By Faten Omar

KUWAIT: In societies that have grown accustomed to specific and conventional relationship norms, there often exists a fear of love experiences that deviate from the expected. The comfort derived from familiarity can lead to apprehension when faced with unconventional relationships. People may fear judgment or rejection by society for embracing love in forms that challenge traditional norms. This fear can inhibit individuals from exploring unique connections that could bring fulfillment and happiness.

Breaking away from societal expectations requires courage, as well as a collective shift towards embracing diverse expressions of love. Overcoming the fear of unconventional love experiences is essential for fostering inclusivity and allowing individuals to authentically pursue connections that resonate with their true selves.

Omar Hayani, who has been married to a woman 10 years older than him, told Kuwait Times that his community was against his marriage at first. “She was 36 when I was 26; my family was against it since she had reached an age that is considered as ‘alarming’ in our society,” he said. He explained society considers a woman above 30 not suitable for marriage, since she is considered too old to have children and raise them, in addition to taking care of her husband’s needs. Moreover, marrying an older woman is considered unsuitable, as older women are more rational, difficult to “control” and financially self-sufficient.

In response to the fact that his choice, which was contrary to the decision of society and his family, was correct, Hayani said: “I’m living my best life. My wife is well-educated and takes care of my child perfectly. Also, she can manage our budget wisely, unlike younger women who only care about superficial things.”

Suad Rabea, a single woman in her thirties, said that she was rejected several times because she is dark-skinned and wears glasses. “I come from a culture that believes wives must be fair-skinned to impress their husbands. Also, one of the mothers rejected me because if my eyesight is not good, my children will suffer from sight problems. The funny part is that her son wears glasses,” she said.

“Unfortunately, some men still adhere to unrealistic and superficial reasons when rejecting women. Skin color bias persists, reflecting a narrow-minded emphasis on appearance over substance. In some cases, societal judgments about a woman’s family background, including her siblings’ status or financial situation, become unjust criteria for rejection,” Rabea noted.

Unrealistic reasons for rejecting partners for marriage can include trivial factors such as physical appearance, height, weight or material wealth. Sarah Ali, 27, highlighted a disheartening aspect of societal expectations on physical appearance within relationships, revealing that a potential partner rejected her due to her undergoing gastric sleeve surgery, underscoring the unrealistic standards some individuals hold.

“The rejection based on concerns about loose skin not being attractive reveals a superficial mindset that prioritizes aesthetics over a person’s well-being and choices,” Ali said, shedding light on the importance of embracing diversity and accepting people for who they are, beyond societal expectations and superficial judgments.

Susan, 43, shared a similar story of the unfortunate reality of facing rejection in the marriage realm due to societal expectations around physical appearance. Despite her impressive qualifications, moral standing and successful career as a pharmaceutical doctor, Susan finds herself repeatedly rejected by potential grooms on account of her thin physique.

“The emotional toll of such rejections has understandably led me to withdraw from discussions about marriage. This disheartening experience underscores the need for a shift in societal attitudes, where a person’s worth extends far beyond superficial criteria,” she pointed out.

In contemporary times, it’s intriguing to note that some women reject potential partners based on their star signs. Ahmed Fatfta, 41, affirmed that many women rejected him even before knowing his true personality because he is a Scorpio. “We have a saying in Arabic that says ‘do not get near a Scorpio’, and many women do. Once anyone knows I’m a Scorpio, they immediately assume things, although Scorpios are good husbands and lovers. Now I’m happily married to a woman I will always spoil,” he said.

These unreasonable criteria not only undermine the potential for meaningful connections, but also contribute to perpetuating harmful stereotypes and reinforcing societal prejudices. It is essential to challenge and move beyond such shallow considerations to foster healthier relationships based on genuine compatibility and shared values.