KUWAIT: Although marriage is a natural instinct inherent in human nature, the avoidance of marriage has become a widespread phenomenon among today’s youth. To understand the reasons behind this phenomenon, which contradicts human nature, Kuwait Times spoke with psychological and social counselor Abdullah Ben Hasan, who discussed the issue from several perspectives.
According to Ben Hasan, social factors, as commonly recognized, include high dowries, insufficient income, and so on. However, the potential psychological factor is fear. "Fear is the strongest emotion that drives a person to avoid doing anything. It is not necessary for one to experience a negative event to develop this fear. It is enough for people to "witness negative experiences around them, which can plant the seeds of fear toward something that is inherently positive but is practiced incorrectly,” he explained.
Ben Hasan further elaborated that poor choices are the main cause of unsuitability. Thus, the psychological factor in this avoidance to marriage may be due to seeing a flood of previous negative experiences that likely resulted from incorrect choices rather than issues with marriage itself. He said: "This is compounded by the unfairness of not considering different positive experiences. In cognitive therapy, this is known as mental filtering, which means I am biased toward negative facts while ignoring positive ones related to the same issue. This distorts the true concept of marriage for individuals on both sides.”
Moreover, Ben Hasan highlighted that having a life partner is considered a fundamental factor for psychological stability, balance, and emotional fulfillment, as well as for forming an independent family and having children, describing them as natural needs. Without them, an individual may end up feeling lonely and emotionally needy for a partner and children to share daily life and experiences with.
People who refrain from marriage might immerse themselves in various social events and interact with many people as a compensatory behavior for their loneliness. However, they will often find that their external environment is also preoccupied with forming families and raising children. Alternatively, they might engage in different compensatory activities to make up for emotional needs, but without achieving actual emotional fulfillment.
"This is known as "source shifting,” where they seek emotional satisfaction from inappropriate sources, like excessive emotional eating. Here, the true source of satisfaction is shifted to another source,” Ben Hasan said. Chronic emptiness is one of the major challenges faced by those who refrain from marriage according to Ben Hasan: "From a purely psychological perspective, and without delving into legal aspects or housing matters, the biggest challenge is chronic emptiness. For example, during joyful occasions like holidays and celebrations, most people are busy with their families. Those who refrain from marriage and are at a certain age may find themselves without anyone to share these moments with, leading to feelings of emptiness and emotional neediness”.
"Emotional problems become more pronounced for individuals who experience loneliness in such situations. Additionally, reaching a certain age may create a need for a permanent partner to exchange affection, love, and mutual care, which results from companionship and love. Especially in later life stages, this age group may experience a heightened sense of emptiness and a mistaken belief that they could be a burden to others, such as friends and colleagues, who are not responsible for them,” he added.