KUWAIT: Yelling, cursing, and punishing are all too often employed by parents as forms of psychological abuse, under the mistaken belief that these are the only methods to raise disciplined children. When verbal and emotional abuses remain unnamed and unacknowledged, their consequences can extend far beyond the impact of physical abuse, leaving a mental scar that can persist for years.

Not only this behavior fails to raise disciplined children, but it can completely damage the kids’ personalities, as noted by Shreefa Al-Ayoub, counselor for childhood and adolescence. “It can erase their sense of self, completely destroying their self-confidence,” she noted, highlighting it as “a prime contributor to destroying the relationships between children and their parents.”

Yelling, which is mostly accompanied by other forms of psychological abuse, is the hardest to resist. Ayoub added that it can often be witnessed happening around you all the time, with a mother frequently yelling at her child for the most trivial reasons like accidentally tripping when running fast, not finishing his whole meal, or perhaps waking up too late.

No matter the size of the children’s mistakes, parents often resort to shouting as the quickest reaction. The issue is that they usually do it out of deep love and concern for their children, which are good intentions that cannot be comprehended by kids in these situations. “Hearing sudden yelling or screaming makes my heart tremble, even as an adult. Imagine how it feels for a child,” remarked Ayoub. She pointed out that while children vividly recall the negative effects of yelling on their emotional well-being, they easily forget the main reason behind it, making its purpose meaningless.

Another ineffective method that she added is punishing, which does more harm than good. Forcing a child to sit still or stay quiet is against their nature and makes them feel suppressed. Instead, she suggested every mother who wants to teach her child about the consequences for their actions, should have a conversation with him first, and involve him in the decision-making process of his desired punishment method. “It is important to let him be punished with dignity, instead of forcing him on something.”

This highlights the significance of communication with children. Continuously blaming them, issuing orders, or offering advice, may ultimately lead your children to stop listening to you. Sometimes, all they need is a simple moment of fun with you, a genuine conversation, or some quality time together, Ayoub added. “The word is love, and love is the cornerstone of your relationship with your child.”

It’s important for every parent to always educate themselves about the proper ways to deal with their children. Given the stressful life that almost every parent leads, Ayoub emphasized that regardless of one’s efforts, there will always be a margin of error that should be embraced. She advised, “We all make mistakes, but what matters the most is admitting them. Learn to apologize to your child and say it out loud, ‘I’m sorry, please forgive me.’”

She believes that people in our society should prioritize their social life and family bonding over anything else, and parents must stop relying solely on housemaids to care for their children. “Now, when you walk in the mall, you can see a mother with two or three housemaids following her,” she observed, emphasizing that these housemaids should only assist with household chores, not raising children. “A child needs their mother nearby. They need her touch, and they need her gaze to meet theirs.”