By Zainab Al-Mashoor
KUWAIT: The deliberate or unintentional repetition of words or actions that affect an individual mentally and physically constitutes bullying, a pervasive issue with far-reaching consequences. Bullying is a critical concern, often leading to trauma and jeopardizing the mental, physical, social and educational well-being of children and adolescents.
Kuwait Times spoke to individuals who have endured the hardships of bullying. "It started on my first day of school,” said Sumayya, who was bullied for being dark skinned as a 4-year-old. It started with verbal abuse and proceeded to physical harm, where she was hurt with a blade by her classmate at the age of 7. The bullying, verbal (being called ugly, dark, dumb, etc), and physical (pushed, harmed, injured, etc), persisted until she graduated from school, leading her to feel isolated, unheard, unseen, undesired, unaccepted and insecure. This, in turn, led to self-harm and suicide attempts.
Sumayya couldn’t talk about any of this with her friends and family, because in that phase, she didn’t even realize it was bullying and thought it was normal. She learned about it when she turned 17 and distanced herself from the toxic environment. Sumayya then began to open up to close friends and family and sought therapy, which helped in her healing process.
Sumayya, 26 years old today, admits: "I haven’t entirely healed from this trauma — it triggers from time to time. However, growing out of that agony, my healing process helped me in my personal growth, self-confidence, standing up for myself, being more mature for my age and being more conscious in my interactions and choice of words and actions.”
Sumayya posits that individuals engaging in bullying behaviors may be grappling with problems at home, which is reflected in their actions, or they have insecurities they cannot accept. She firmly believes that no one is inherently a bully; rather, upbringing and the surrounding environment play pivotal roles, eventually influencing individuals to become bullies under the misguided notion that it is socially acceptable.
Sumayya emphasized on the role of parents in observing and rectifying behaviors that manifest in their children, advocating for both bullies and victims to seek assistance, urging victims not to suffer in silence.
Jaber, as an 8-year-old food lover, found himself a target of bullying due to being overweight. The repeated bullying from other kids left him feeling insecure and uncomfortable in his own skin, making him avoid any sort of interactions and steering him towards introversion. "Enduring mockery from kids, laughter from teachers, exclusion from activities and a constant preoccupation with my physical appearance affected my growth process,” he recalled.
In an effort to gain acceptance, Jaber altered his lifestyle, engaging in weight-loss activities such as intermittent fasting and playing football, which not only boosted his confidence but also encouraged him to find his voice. "Losing weight did not put an end to the bullying; I simply learned how to cope with it.” At 28, Jaber remains introverted and remembers the impact, yet has matured beyond those experiences. He advocates for awareness regarding bullying, emphasizing its enduring effects that may shape an individual’s future.
When she was 10, Faten was bullied for her long hair. Girls annoyed her and pulled her hair all the time, causing her to become an introvert and anxious with her physical appearance, leading her to despise her own hair. Like many children, Faten found it challenging to share her pain with parents or elders for a resolution, because she didn’t understand why she was going through it.
The first time she had a short haircut was for her uncle’s wedding at the age of 15, after indirectly convincing her mother. Since then, she has refrained from letting her hair grow long. "The thought of my hair growing long terrifies me; I still trim it before it reaches my shoulder.” Faten, now 34 years old, continues to grapple with the trauma from her childhood, vividly recalling every detail.
"In my journey of maturation and overcoming trauma, I recognized that the children who bullied me were projecting their own low self-esteem that made them focus on damaging others.” Faten underscores the importance for individuals, whether children or adults, to establish boundaries and focus on addressing their own low self-esteem rather than projecting it onto others.